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You see, they were reformed protestants. For those of you who don't know what that means: they were the strictest, fun-hating, sour-faced people on the planet. Fundamentally their beliefs meant that they were born in sin, lived in sin, and died in sin unless God chose them for his magnificent plan. So all they could do was pray, live as purely as possible, and hope with all your might that you don't end up in hell, which was actually extremely likely in that case. So as you can see, dear reader, their God was an asshole.Now for most of my life, I had believed in that nonsense too. I mean, how could I not? Most of my childhood was spent at home, as my parents didn't dare to send me to a normal primary school. Instead, they taught me the basics of Mathematics, English, History, Geography and Bible Studies from the comforts of our own home. My parents were not bad teachers, and actually did seem to have a lot of knowledge about the worlds. But of course, this strategy meant I didn't. After all she was the one with the credentials. The club only accepted girls who were an A-Cup or less. To see if you can join the club you need to measure your wife to determine her correct bra size. First you measure around her ribcage directly under her breasts and then you add five inches to that number. Since bras only come in even sizes if your number is odd, add one to it to make it an even number. The next measurement goes around the chest over and including the fullest part of her bust, which is usually at the level of the nipples. Now subtract the first number from the second number. If your answer is zero to a half-inch her cup size is AA, if your answer is half to one inch her cup size is A, however if your answer is over one inch she doesn’t qualify as a member of the club. My wife’s answer was three-quarters of an inch so she would qualify at 34-A.Now this doesn’t work in England because their cup sizes are not the same as ours are here in America. Why they add a letter.
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